Enter the Loop of Confidence
by: Ann Bernard
“You don’t need it all to have confidence but you need confidence to have it all”
That’s actually of my sayings and possibly one of my favorites. I come from a background of 10 years of service in the Marine Corps and I have learned that without confidence you cannot be an effective leader; which is exactly why the military has developed many methods to instill confidence in their members at every levels.
It all starts with the forging process of earning the elite title of U.S. Marine; be it as a recruit at one of the depots: Parris Island or San Diego, or as a candidate at The Officer Candidate School in Quantico. Recruits and candidates alike are repeatedly challenged through highly stressful situations and obstacles that test every atom of their being but over time and through the challenges they learn to believe in themselves and they begin to build confidence.
By the end of the grueling process you can see visible differences between the individual that started on the first day of training and the individual that graduates. Their demeanor, “air”, speech, walk and state of being is glazed with that secret ingredient that makes people successful in life…that ingredient is confidence.
Obviously, not everyone decides to or can enter into service to become one of the “Few and the Proud” however, everyone can put themselves through a daily intense process in order to gain confidence.
Now, before I proceed lets take a quick look and dissect my saying from above: “you don’t need it all to have confidence…” What is the “all” that I am referring to? Most people think and honestly believe they need good looks, money, the right education, a proper background and the perfect mindset in order to have confidence but that just isn’t so nor do the people who have those assets, necessarily have confidence.
“…but you need confidence to have it all.” With confidence you do have it all because although you might not have “it”: wealth, knowledge, the best job, the perfect relationship, complete happiness and ultimate freedom, you possess the ability to have it all and nothing, not fear, doubt or the unknown can ever stop you. In the end, the point is that with confidence the world (your “it” whatever “it” might be) is yours to conquer.
So how do you get to the point where you smile, welcome, and laugh in the face of adversity and challenges? It’s actually a full circle process that develops, grows, and deepens the more you practice and apply it. Let’s be honest–those who have true confidence use that confidence in order to achieve more, in turn they gain more confidence and the process repeats itself. But how does it all begin?
It begins with answering those initial daily challenges. There are no drill instructors yelling and screaming at you to do things, to challenge you, worry and stress you but there are every day stresses and obstacles in your life. We all have them and how we handle situations can either help build confidence or hurt our confidence.
So you’re thinking, but I have no confidence so how can I even begin to face up to those daily challenges and begin establishing confidence? To take that initial step in a tough situation, to say “no”, to defend or stand-up for yourself, to ask someone out on a date, to go out for a better job, to give a public speech, to share your opinions, to ask your boss for more money, to love more openly, to be who you want to be and the list goes on requires you to look deep into yourself and have courage. You have to be brave and take that initial step in order to enter into the fulfilling and wonderful Loop of Confidence.
Now here is the key to entering the Loop of Confidence: the outcome of your initial step is irrelevant. What do I mean by that? It’s not the result of the initial step that matters (although if positive it’s an added bonus) but rather the fact and the act of taking the step. You had confidence in yourself to take the step. Let’s reinstate that again…the outcome does not matter, what does is that you made the leap and took a step forward.
As a recruit I was extremely scared of one obstacle on the obstacle course. It’s an obstacle with a rope that hangs in the middle of a big hole and you have to jump to grab the rope and swing yourself across. No matter how much I was yelled at to do it, I was scared; I simply didn’t have the confidence that I could do it. One day, towards the end of training I decided to have confidence in trying so I ran to the rope, jumped, and grabbed the rope…Well, unfortunately I didn’t let go of the rope so I sorta kept dangling on the rope and lost the momentum to make it across! Turns out, I only had half the confidence I needed to complete the obstacle but I had taken the first step. The following day, I attacked the obstacle with full confidence (with the initial step behind me)and I was able to easily clear the hole.
There is also help available. Professional Life Coaches can assist, help and support you on taking those initial first steps. They’ll talk you through the process, practice with you and encourage you to keep going. They’ll hold you accountable if you back down and don’t live up to the steps you wanted to take. Be grateful–a life coach will be a lot nicer and supportive then a drill instructor!
Ann Bernard was a Captain in the Marine Corps and served in Iraq but she recently left the Marine Corps to further pursue her dreams to assist and help others. She is now a Professional Life Coach and founder of Life’s Guiding Source. To learn more about the Loop of Confidence and Life Coaching visit her website http://coachingyourfuture.com/
Tags: confidence